DO IT!!!

Tomorrow is "free-ice-cream-cone day" at your neighborhood's Ben & Jerry's store. Go ask for a Blizzard. When they refuse, sigh and tell them you're willing to pay for it. When they still refuse, tell them you're on a first-name basis with Jerry. Then, after they've explained everything to you, if they haven't kicked you out of the store, get vanilla. Then, drop it on the floor and ask for another.

Some useful tricks to help you get your way:

• Sob over your dropped cone.

• Say, "This is America, dammit!"

• Offer them a lick.

• Blame illegal immigrants.

• Warn them that you'll take your business to Tasty-Freeze

And then my plan will be complete...