Can I get a witness?!!

Today, I got up early, as I do every Wednesday, to get into the radio station by 6:30 am. Afterwards, a tired and shaky wreck, I drove myself to work, where I mistook my misery at my weariness for misery due to hunger. After stumbling from eatery to eatery, where nothing on the menu looked appetizing, I realized my error and took off in search of caffeine.

Coffee successfully in hand, I sat down in the packed dining area outside the student union. To my great delight, a hip, young man stood atop a makeshift stage, preaching the Good Word, or some version thereof. It'd been awhile since I'd heard a sermon, so I sat near the front, where I could get the best view. However, before I'd even finished my drink, he had already finished and was calling for the masses to come forward and receive Jesus. What he said didn't really move me in any direction - I still remained an atheist in my head and undecided in my gut. So, I slipped out while the praise band played their catchy tunes.

But then, as soon as I left the range of the acoustic guitars, a new tune filled the air. It was coming from one of the sorority's fund-raising booths. The lyrics were such:

(Ahem)

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps

Repeat 3x's

I know the lyrics practically by heart, difficult though they be, because it is the second day in a row that I've heard it.

I say to you now, Preacher-man, with all the certainty that exists in this cold, cold world, "There is no God."