The Apprentice is gonna get his knees broke

I didn't watch the Apprentice finale last night, because I was too busy watching Spike TV's Most Extreme Eliminations. I stand by my decision; MXC is completely transparent and unapologetic regarding its juvenile appeal, whereas The Apprentice denies it and still claims to be the "toughest job interview in America". Tough? Try crossing a rickety rope bridge while sadistic Japanese men rocket volleyballs into your crotch.

I will say that I am not surprised that Rebecca wasn't selected. I am, however, very disappointed. After all, I may be the lucky charm that got her so far in the contest. I had stated in a previous post that if she won the competition I would start charging future contestants $20,000 to throw shitty alcohol into my eyes: something she once did to start her on the path to television stardom. Twenty grand isn't that much when you consider the full value of actually winning. You'd keep ninety percent of the cash, and you'd still get to make all those VH1 appearances as an expert on the "Best Week/Year/Era Ever".

We (I'm including Ms. Jarvis in the "we") came so close to our dreams! Trump was ready to make her one of the Apprenti and me , by extension, stinking rich! But Randal, Randal, you bastard. You slammed the door on that golden wonderland, and now I have to come in to work next week. I hope you enjoy your time in the sunshine, buddy. Just remember all those little people who's dreams you trod upon on your way to success. Some of those little people got blue belts in Hapkido once and know five different ways to break a knee. That or I could hurtle a volleyball into your crotch.