State of the Union
(five minutes of cheering as I make my way to the podium)
I'm pretty sore today. I played a lot of volleyball last night, because I've joined a YMCA league. We got housed. All we have to do to get to the playoffs is not be in last place. I don't think we're gonna make the playoffs. Though, I'm pretty sure the majority of my aches came from my first "Beginning Adult Gymnastics" class I had Monday night. Yes, I'm taking gymnastics. I roll around and do somersaults on the squishy padded floor. I'm five years old.
(raucous applause)
Lessee... what else? Oh yeah, I mailed my internship application to This American Life yesterday. I felt pretty good about the application, so I will be crushed when they offer the position to someone else. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I'm stupid like that. Anyway, thanks to Megan and my sister for the countless edits of my questionnaire extraordinaire. If the mood strikes me, I might post what I submitted. It's long though. Oh well... Now, I can finally get back to working on my independent radio pieces.
(standing ovation)
Hmm... I'm pretty tired today. I had to get up early to go into the radio station for my morning show. This isn't normally so bad, but our crazy upstairs neighbor decided to have screaming loud sex again at four in the morning. Who has sex at four in the morning? And why is she trying to smash her way down into our bedroom? Ordinarily, I might enjoy listening in on someone else's performance, but this time I was frightened for my life. Or maybe I was frightened for hers. Guy's like a fucking jackhammer. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.
(cheers and whistles)
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.
(wild clapping. tears streaming down the faces of my supporters)
I picked up a King-Sized chocolate-covered PayDay at Walmart today. I love PayDay's and things only get better when they're covered in chocolate, right? Nope. It's fucking naaaasty and not just because it looks exactly like a humongous turd. It does, by the way. Ugghhh.
(things may be getting out of hand -- even my opponents are starting to take off their shirts)
Well, that's pretty much what's going on in my life. If any of you continue to read this blog after today's post, I'll let you know how things go.
Peace! I'm out!
(cue "Hail to the Chief". time to shake some hands)
I'm pretty sore today. I played a lot of volleyball last night, because I've joined a YMCA league. We got housed. All we have to do to get to the playoffs is not be in last place. I don't think we're gonna make the playoffs. Though, I'm pretty sure the majority of my aches came from my first "Beginning Adult Gymnastics" class I had Monday night. Yes, I'm taking gymnastics. I roll around and do somersaults on the squishy padded floor. I'm five years old.
(raucous applause)
Lessee... what else? Oh yeah, I mailed my internship application to This American Life yesterday. I felt pretty good about the application, so I will be crushed when they offer the position to someone else. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I'm stupid like that. Anyway, thanks to Megan and my sister for the countless edits of my questionnaire extraordinaire. If the mood strikes me, I might post what I submitted. It's long though. Oh well... Now, I can finally get back to working on my independent radio pieces.
(standing ovation)
Hmm... I'm pretty tired today. I had to get up early to go into the radio station for my morning show. This isn't normally so bad, but our crazy upstairs neighbor decided to have screaming loud sex again at four in the morning. Who has sex at four in the morning? And why is she trying to smash her way down into our bedroom? Ordinarily, I might enjoy listening in on someone else's performance, but this time I was frightened for my life. Or maybe I was frightened for hers. Guy's like a fucking jackhammer. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.
(cheers and whistles)
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.
(wild clapping. tears streaming down the faces of my supporters)
I picked up a King-Sized chocolate-covered PayDay at Walmart today. I love PayDay's and things only get better when they're covered in chocolate, right? Nope. It's fucking naaaasty and not just because it looks exactly like a humongous turd. It does, by the way. Ugghhh.
(things may be getting out of hand -- even my opponents are starting to take off their shirts)
Well, that's pretty much what's going on in my life. If any of you continue to read this blog after today's post, I'll let you know how things go.
Peace! I'm out!
(cue "Hail to the Chief". time to shake some hands)
posted by Skim at Wednesday, February 01, 2006
5 Comments:
That was absolutely the funniest thing I've read in 2006.
Seriously, Jed--what is the deal with the 4AM sex?? We need to figure something out because a late night show or early morning fling is one thing, but way-before-dawn banshee sex isn't acceptable. (Especially when combined with Tiger's latest night rendez-vous with that slutty neighbor cat.)
Any ideas, people? All I can think of is rigging some sort of elaborate sprinkler system or shooting them with the air cannon. And that goes for the cats too.
I'm rolling on the floor with laughter over the "screaming loud sex."
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yes i am a numb nut... and apparently like deleting comments right after making them...
anyway Jed thanks for the laugh -- it really made my morning.
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