I'd totally sell you out for a steak

Today, as I was sitting down to my breakfast cereal, I picked up my cold, gleaming spoon, and thought, "Aw, what the hell... There is no spoon". Immediately, the damn thing started twisting and folding itself like a possessed eel. I dropped it and sat back, astounded by what just happened. Then, realizing my cereal was getting soggy, I got a new spoon and finished the bowl. I ate another one to give myself more time to think. However, instead of doing any productive thinking, I bent some more spoons, upset some recipe books, and levitated the vacuum cleaner that I forgot to put away last night. I was going to try imagining away the garbage and recycling, but I had to get to work.

Once I got outside, I thought about flying to work at supersonic speeds, but I kept picturing myself faceplanting into the asphalt around a whole bunch of students. If I couldn't keep my train of thought while on the ground, I sure as hell wasn't going to try it forty feet in the air! So, instead I just tried jumping over several squares of sidewalk as I walked to my car. I'm pretty sure I was jumping a lot further than I used to be able to, but it's hard to tell. On my last jump, I screwed up the landing and skinned my knee. It stung really badly, and I tried to wish it away, but I kept imagining how much worse it could have been. My scrape split open and blood began really seeping into my jeans. I stopped trying, limped back to my apartment, and put on a band-aid with Neosporin.

I got to work late because of the accident and having to change pants, so I had to sneak into my office through the back way. I haven't tried doing any more mind-tricks; my knee seems to throb extra hard each time I even get tempted to make my pencils sharpen themselves. Instead, I've spent the last half-hour thinking about all the consequences of my new-found powers. Sure, it's great that I can do all this cool stuff, but I don't think I like the idea of being the chosen one and all that. I mean, it's not even like I'd have a cool sounding name like "Neo". If people started referring to me by my usual alias, "starwars_fan1_1980", I think it might spoil the effect.

Also, this might be lame, but I REALLY don't want to wake up naked, covered in some gooey crap and have to pull that huge plug thing out of my head. Shudder. Yeah, it sucks if that's what's really happening to my body, but I'd rather not know about it. Know what I mean? Like if you thought you might have a disease, but you don't want to go to the doctor, because then they'd do tests, and then you might find out you really did have the disease, and sometimes it's better not knowing...

This might all be moot anyway. No one's tried contacting me yet. I've checked all my email accounts several times, and there isn't a single message about meeting up or anything. I even checked the spam to see if there were any hidden codes. Nothing. (Although, now I'm kinda tempted to see if I can use my powers to "increase my manhood". wink wink)

Haaanyway...it's getting to lunch time, and I forgot to grab something from home in all the excitement. My wallet's empty (so's my checking account), so I can't buy anything to eat. I've decided to blog about it and see if that gets things rolling. I'll join up with whichever side offers me the most, just so long as it happens quickly. I'm getting pretty damn hungry, and I may try turning my monitor into a sandwich.