What these slanty eyes be beholdin'
I am well-aware that the majority of my limited readership is Asian. Apart from my fellow Asian bloggers, there are occasional Malaysian visitors seeking their fix of Ms. Jarvis in pain. So to those of the squinty persuasion, I offer this website. Now you don't have to forward me all those angry email petitions calling for the apology of some dumb asshole. I can just check MANAA.org once every two years to catch up on all the imagined slights done to us.
Actually, I'm pretty satisfied with the way I'm treated. It's been a long time since I've felt actively discriminated against. unless you count all those times pretty girls wouldn't look at me -- that's racist. Apart from that, I don't have much to complain about. In fact, the last time someone said something even remotely offensive to me was yesterday morning -- when your mom asked me to cure her of her "Yellow Fever". But that's only wrong 'cuz the bitch don't need to be talkin', if you know what I'm saying.
To all the non-Asians who read my blog and are concerned with not offending your neighborhood's resident Asian, I can only tell you my point of view. I've compiled a list of common Asian stereotypes that I remember from experience, have seen in the media, and have culled from the internet. For a crappier list, check this "research" paper. Or don't. It's pretty crappy.
MY RESPONSES TO COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT ASIANS
1. Are you good at math?
No. Yes. I was in fifth grade.
2. Are you really into computers?
Yes, but only for pornography.
3. Are you a big pervert?
Goddamnit
4. Do you know karate?
No. It's Taekwondo
5. Don't you just love Asian food? It's soooo much healthier than American food.
My favorite food is ice cream, and my mother's is sandwiches.
6. Can you see how many fingers I'm holding up?
Can you see how many fingers I'M holding up?
7. Do you play the violin?
No!
8. Do you play ANY stringed instruments?
The guitar.
9. Do you play any OTHER stringed instruments?
NO!
10. HAVE YOU EVER played any OTHER stringed instruments?
.........yes
11. Are you a hard worker?
Oh my Lord, no.
12. Do you like Jackie Chan movies?
Yes.
13. Do you have a small penis?
Yes, but I blame that on the car accident.
14. Do you show respect to your elders?
Sure.
15. Are you a doctor?
Not for lack of trying.
16. Finally, do you love a big American cock in your slutty Oriental snatch?
Of course
Actually, I'm pretty satisfied with the way I'm treated. It's been a long time since I've felt actively discriminated against. unless you count all those times pretty girls wouldn't look at me -- that's racist. Apart from that, I don't have much to complain about. In fact, the last time someone said something even remotely offensive to me was yesterday morning -- when your mom asked me to cure her of her "Yellow Fever". But that's only wrong 'cuz the bitch don't need to be talkin', if you know what I'm saying.
To all the non-Asians who read my blog and are concerned with not offending your neighborhood's resident Asian, I can only tell you my point of view. I've compiled a list of common Asian stereotypes that I remember from experience, have seen in the media, and have culled from the internet. For a crappier list, check this "research" paper. Or don't. It's pretty crappy.
MY RESPONSES TO COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT ASIANS
1. Are you good at math?
No. Yes. I was in fifth grade.
2. Are you really into computers?
Yes, but only for pornography.
3. Are you a big pervert?
Goddamnit
4. Do you know karate?
No. It's Taekwondo
5. Don't you just love Asian food? It's soooo much healthier than American food.
My favorite food is ice cream, and my mother's is sandwiches.
6. Can you see how many fingers I'm holding up?
Can you see how many fingers I'M holding up?
7. Do you play the violin?
No!
8. Do you play ANY stringed instruments?
The guitar.
9. Do you play any OTHER stringed instruments?
NO!
10. HAVE YOU EVER played any OTHER stringed instruments?
.........yes
11. Are you a hard worker?
Oh my Lord, no.
12. Do you like Jackie Chan movies?
Yes.
13. Do you have a small penis?
Yes, but I blame that on the car accident.
14. Do you show respect to your elders?
Sure.
15. Are you a doctor?
Not for lack of trying.
16. Finally, do you love a big American cock in your slutty Oriental snatch?
Of course
posted by Skim at Thursday, April 06, 2006
1 Comments:
you should read "angry asian man"
http://angryasianman.com/
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