Baby You're a Poor Man

Hey Rj, since you beat all odds last night to survive, I think you should be placing my bets in Vegas. Pick a number between 1 and 31.

Birthday finale

I failed to post a "Happy Birthday" on Megan's birthday last Saturday. I will not fail to mention that my mother's birthday is today. I don't know why, since she doesn't know about my blog. I just feel like I have to.

Sith Happens?

I thought that the advertising for Attack of the Clones was bad when they said, "Who Da Man? YO-da man!". Now they have that stupid-ass "Sith Happens" (a clever play on that side-splitting bumper sticker Shit Happens) commercial that keeps playing during prime time. Granted, it's not as bad as the YO-da Man horseshit, but it just furthers the notion that everyone associated with the Star Wars phenomenon these days is an immature moron. But I guess that's only an extension of what the movies have become.

I was tempted to see Revenge of the Sith after hearing rave reviews from my SAT students and reading somewhat positive reviews online. That urge was killed after watching Fox's broadcast of Clones last night. Seeing that it was on, I thought to myself, "Maybe I should watch it. Maybe I was just swayed by all those critical friends of mine. Didn't I actually like it?". Three hours later, I have to say no, that movie entirely blew. It's not even worth elaborating on why - anyone who reads this blog probably already knows why. I just wonder if Lucas originally intended Star Wars to be geared towards children, since that's obviously the audience for whom he made these newer movies.

I could be wrong though. Perhaps "Sith Happens" is actually a witty tagline. Maybe some advertising exec thought "Shit Happens" would be a good explanation for what happened to Lucas's vision. Yeah, and maybe Lucas isn't a creatively and physically stunted superfan of his own work who cares more about money than wasting three hours of my Sunday night.

Billion-Dollar Industry

I just came up with an idea for a new diet craze. I call it the "Mysterious, Wet and Cold Teddy Graham Diet". Basically, all you have to do is reach into a box of chocolate Teddy Grahams and pop a logic-defyingly sodden bear into your mouth. Guaranteed to make you stop eating... Might even make you vomit into your trash can! Also, does crying burn calories? If so, then GOLDMINE!!!

Sweet anticipation

So I lied. There's more to talk about.

Things to which I am looking forward (Damn I hate that "no colons after prepositions" rule!):

Vegas, baby!

The new album by the Gorillaz comes out this Tuesday

Coldplay's X&Y comes out in June

Batman comes out also in June

Harry Potter comes out in July

I'm scheduling my coming out for later this summer

Don't tell Megan - It's a surprise.

Blogger Act 2: Back in the habit

It's been awhile since I've posted anything of substance. So, I'm just going to write a little bit just to get the hang of it again. Don't want to strain myself. You know how it is...

So, I'm trying to finish up the driving mix. Still a lot of space for suggestions, especially on the quiet disk. I'm waiting to hear from you, SR! Or have I already?

Birthday Month

Everybody I know was born in May. Today, many years back, an organism soon to be known as Pete was born. So, many happy returns to you, Pete. May you get lots of cool stuff, because that's what birthdays are really about.

I've got two more of these to write this month, so be prepared.

Scotty scotty

Happy Birthday to Scott. He's a special guy. Give him love.

Birthday challenge

First off, Happy Birthday to my fellow birthday buddy Emily. May today be filled with successful experiments and groundbreaking data. She turns 26 today, whereas I am become... the 25.

Twenty-fiiive. The big 2-5. Not really very much significance to this birthday (no new licenses or adult privileges) except that it's such a nice round number. Quarter of a century - but that phrase is hackneyed. I prefer to think of it like this. I am the result when you take two five year-old's and force them to multiply.

Actually, instead of getting new privileges this year, today marks the loss of one especially dear to me: my driver's license expires today. I spent all yesterday morning at the DMV trying vainly to get a California one, and now I'm resigned to my soon-to-be-illegal driving fate. Thus yesterday's "shit in your office" suggestion. To cheer myself up, I've decided to make myself a licensed practitioner of something cool. Maybe it'll catch on. "You know, son. You're twenty-five today. You can finally ________, starting today. Today... you have become... a super man."

I'm getting caught up on what that blank should be. Any suggestions? I'm thinking something that requires extra testing might be cool. Or not. After all, I want to be licensed today. If anyone can come up with a great suggestion, I will consider it a suitable present and will forgive you the punishment and wrath that awaits all others.

Sure fire cure

If you're having a bad day, I recommend you eat lunch at Luigi's Pizzaria on the corner of 25th and B St. Get the artichoke pizza, and you'll soon be feeling better. If that doesn't work, stop next door at Golden Delights and have homemade ice cream. If that doesn't work, you're fucked. Take a shit in your office and burn your neighbor's children. Go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

Crazy-ass bird

It's now 11:57 pm, as dark as the devil's soul outside, and there's an exuberantly cheerful bird outside my window. This song bird has a repertoire of at least thirteen variations of calls, and it loves showing off. I fully expect this to go on for at least another hour, since it did the same thing last night...and the night before. Fucking loony bird...

Why am I always surrounded by the crazies?

Sweet revenge

Today, as I was walking into work, I passed by a building on campus that is under construction. The exterior is largely finished but still has some sizeable gaps that need work. Some art professor thought it would be a good exercise for his/her students to draw or paint some aspect of the unfinished structure. I walked through their group and saw many quality works depicting various snapshots of the building. As I left them sketching on the grass, I looked back at the building to compare perspectives and saw something that made me laugh out loud.

Stereotypically, every construction scene has at any moment at least one or two loitering workers standing around making jokes with each other. These conversations are often interrupted mid-sentence when an attractive female walks by so that they can devote all their faculties to gawking and perhaps making witty catcalls. Today, this was not the case. With a group of predominately young female college students scrutinizing their every move, these workers seemed very intent upon their tasks. They seemed preoccupied with making sure every board was secure, every wheelbarrow attended, and they never once looked up or acknowledged that they were being stared at. In fact, they seemed determined to ignore a large portion of their field of sight. I don't know if the professor realized how uncomfortable these workers would be by the assignment, but I'd like to think so. I wanted to go back and look to see if any of the artists had focused on the people, but I had just laughed out loud, and I didn't want them to think I was making fun of them.

Time for a new driving mix

It's been a long time since I've made or contributed to making a mix cd. In fact, I think the last time I did so was back at the Annette, and that was only to add one or two suggestions to Meister Young's master mix. Listening to my XM radio is a great way to spend my commute, but too often, the rhythm of my trip has been disrupted by an unexpected playing of Soft Cell's Tainted Love. Now, don't get me wrong - I love Tainted Love, and I will sing my heart out when it comes on the radio, but it's best enjoyed in the environment of something like a karaoke bar.

Everybody prefers his/her own thing when driving. What works for one person might cause an immediate change-the-channel reaction in another. I personally think it doesn't get any better than when you're cruising down the highway and listening to Dire Straits' Down to the Waterline. However, I know that my musical knowledge is rather limited, and I'm open to suggestions.

So, help me out! Let me know what music makes you glad you commute forty miles each way. I'm going to make two cd's. The first will be for more upbeat, hip, swinging music. I'll probably put something on from Beck. The second, predictably, will be for more mellow, nighttime driving. Elliott Smith would fit in well here. Suggestions for songs are welcome in the Comments section. Or, you could email them to me at meatsweatsjk@yahoo.com.

I want songs that I know and love and agree make for great driving music, and I want songs that I didn't know existed and would be grateful to hear. If you're suggesting something more obscure, maybe you should send the actual song to me. Once I get enough good suggestions, I'll post the playlists here. After I make the things, I'll send you a copy if you want one.

Finally, try to stay away from songs that are already about driving. Though I like Incubus's Drive, I feel like including it would be too easy. Oh, and Rj, if you suggest anything from Garth Brooks, I'm going to slap you.

COL-LA-BO-RATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!!!

Take care when yawning

The tongue is a muscle and can, like all muscles, be pulled when it is stressed. I found that out this morning when my mouth exploded in an especially ferocious yawn. A sharp ache lodged itself deep in the back of my poor tongue. Hurt like a motherfucker. So, as I was driving to work, I thought about maybe developing a regular tongue-exercise routine in order to avoid that painful experience in the future. Seven middle fingers and eleven dirty looks later, I stopped. Good thing they couldn't tell I wasn't wearing pants.