Penultimate Mix Tape

Remember this post? Well it's three months later, and I'm happy to say that I've finally finished the list. Thanks to all for the great suggestions and sorry if I didn't include yours.

Now, I cannot claim that this is the ultimate driving mix. There are songs on here that don't exactly demand highway cruising but that I abstractly wanted to include. Every mix tape is tainted with some portion of despotism. I can't legally provide anyone with a copy of the cd's, but I'm sure we can figure something out.

The mix is comprised of two cd's.

Disc 1

Mr. Blue Sky - ELO
I'll Be Coming Around - The Bottle Rockets
Bus to Beelzebub - Soul Coughing
Race for the Prize - The Flaming Lips
Never There - Cake
My Favorite Game - The Cardigans
Take A Picture - Filter
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
Rebel Rebel - David Bowie
Pump it Up - Elvis Costello
Way Out West - Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire
Add It Up - Violent Femmes
I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond


Disc 2

Down to the Waterline - Dire Straits
Clocks - Coldplay
These Days - Nico
The Girl from Ipanema - Stan Getz & Astrud Gilberto
Melissa - Allman Brothers Band
Speeding Motorcycle - Yo La Tengo
Pepper - Butthole Surfers
Time of the Season - The Zombies
Green Onion - Booker T and the MG's
Walk on the Wild Side - Lou Reed
Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Babylon - David Gray
1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
Life on Mars? - Seu Jorge
In the Meantime - Space Hog

If you notice a lack of Bob Marley in these lists, it is because I fucking hate Bob Marley. That was the only suggestion I immediately dismissed. Thanks for all the other suggestions. You have introduced me to a lot of new music and have improved my commute immensely.

Feel free to trash on my compilation; you know you're just dying to. In the words of our nation's spiritual leader, "Bring it on."

One-week limit

Uf! It's already been a week since I last posted. Soon people will start calling me Kevin. I have more to post tonight, but in case I forget, here's something that makes me laugh. Am I allowed to laugh at this?

Cause I am.

Holy blast from the past

I have wanted to discuss my upbringing in a conservative, private, Christian school system, but I've worried that nothing I wrote would properly convey the experience. I will try, because I feel that it would be a great exercise for both my writing and mental health. For now, I'm just going to start off with a link to Emmanuel Baptist's 2005 student handbook. Especially good is the bit on EBHS's stance on homosexuality, which according to my reading, qualifies you for expulsion if someone in your family is gay. If you need help finding it, it's shortly after their "Non-Discriminatory Policy."

Tellin' me what to do

I've found the bossiest blog to date. Peer pressure's gonna make me cave.

You Could Take Him. Totally.

Thanks to Drew for alerting me to this gem.

I've had many a similar conversation with my friends. Instead of focusing on twelve-year old's, though, we concentrated on frat boys. Oh, and we'd win. Lord, how we'd win. "What's the secret to whupping countless frat boys?", you ask.

Passion. Inner fire. The Eye of the Tiger.

Every guy has it and can tap into it at the crucial moment. Never mind that he's never done it before. If some prick fucks with him enough, he'll reach within himself, find something mean, and fold the affronting bastard into a paper airplane. A bloody paper airplane.

That crazy, super-octane, testosterone pump grants its extraordinary powers in a variety of ways. One day it could turn you into an immensely powerful, slavering hulk; while at another time, it'll make you cold, calculating, and mean. Hell, it might even make you into the dirtiest, most shameless fighter in the world. Just be aware that it's dangerous and it's in there.

Especially in short, repressed, asian guys.

Nerd Day

Yesterday, I began my plight to become a radio journalist by attending the San Diego Comic Convention - the largest of its kind in the U.S. and quite possibly, world. Megan dropped me off, and I trod, backpack-laden, to the front entrance where I joined a throng peopled with many other similarly-encumbered asian males. That my backpack was filled with documentary equipment while their's perched empty, hungrily awaiting comic book's and naked-lady dolls, was not readily apparent. So, I quickly opened mine up and removed a camera with which I immediately began snapping pictures. I think I got one of another guy doing exactly the same thing. He was wearing face paint and wings. Somewhat ashamed, I continued into the convention center.

As this was my first foray into any journalistic enterprise, I was unsure at first where to find the hot stories, so instead I prepped my gear for about half an hour. This was a bit tricky as I had to secure no less than four separate components to my body all of which trailed six-foot cords. I still had to wear my backpack, too. I was soon overheated and a bit sweaty.

I saw many many many loser/freak-ish types that I was certain would provide great interview material, but I was a bit intimidated by the fervor they exuded. Instead, I spent the next few hours talking to more normal-looking people who provided nice, normal-sounding interviews that would put ADHD kids to sleep. Chalk it up to a learning experience. At least I know that my equipment works.

Tired of walking, sweating, and rubbing up against aroused fat guys (lots of naked-lady dolls), I called my girlfriend to come pick me up. Stopping by the bathroom on my way out, I caught a glimpse of myself decked out with all my gear and electrical tape hanging off me, perspiring and sporting a bright, red backpack. Clearly, I was the biggest nerd at the convention.

I went home determined to return in a few hours to document the annual costume masquerade and contest. If there was anything that could redeem my dignity, it was interviewing and photographing and judging these people. Instead, I got caught up in the new Harry Potter book and read it for the next ten hours.


Today, I rescued six supermodels from shark attacks and copulated with all of them while composing the next rock anthem. Nice how these things even out in the end.

Love your job

A lot of people like to complain about their jobs. Well shut the hell up, because you've got nothing NOTHING to complain about!

Today, Megan and I drive into work together since I have an early morning meeting. Since I need to make up for some time lost, I figure I will work a full day and be all caught up. Megan drops me off, and I start my day - and immediately learn that the meeting isn't until next week. I am only mildly annoyed at this point. I go about my day.

I decide I will finish up a project that has awaited me. I have put off this project, because it requires me to fuck around with potentially hazardous chemicals - I don't like that shit. Oh well, job to do. I finish all but the final step with ease. I am productive. I am happy. The last step gives me pause.

How to pour thiry-five pounds of awkwardly-packaged chemical into big, tall bucket? Ask for help? Umm.......no. It okay. Me strong.

Wait. This is heavier than I thought.

Uh-oh. Forty-five pound box with big round hole too much to handle. Maybe I get funnel? No. Try again.

A funnel? What the hell good would that do? After all, it's the fifty-pound container I'm pouring from that presents the challenge, and I couldn't very well attach a funnel to that, could I? At this point, I have been breathing chemical fumes for at least ten minutes. This is ridiculous! Just get it over with!

Ok. Me try. NO! ME WIN!! (pouring) OH NO! spilling. KEEP GOING! splashing on floor. DOESN'T MATTER. feet wet. WHAT? Feet Wet, Asshole. OH NOOOO!

I call my boss, and she comes to my rescue. We clean the mess up as best we can, and I check the safety sheet for the data on the chemical I've spilt. Thankfully, it isn't overly toxic - I might only start to itch after awhile. But it still says I should remove any exposed clothing. Normally, I would ignore this suggestion; however, I am the SAFETY ASSISTANT, and I have to set an example; and my boss is right there; and she's telling me that she has paper "booties" I can wear for the rest of the day; and I smile; and I say, "Thank you."

I wash my feet in the handicap-stall sink, dry them with brown paper towels, and shove them into size twenty-two paper "booties". I shuffle into my office, past the machine shop guys who are watching with interest, carrying my shoes and socks, and wearing paper sacks on my feet. It is now 2:34. I have three hours left, and my head is swimming from the chemical fumes that emanate from the bottoms of my jeans (which I casually forgot to mention to my boss were exposed during my wild spilling). I can't leave, because I didn't drive. There is plenty of work I could do in my office, but who are we kidding? It's crossword-puzzle time.

So enjoy the rest of your day. If the rest of your day consists of staring at a computer screen and crunching numbers, so be it. At least you're not starting to itch.

This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read

I can't figure out what organization sponsored this, but I've read enough to know that they take themselves seriously. Click on this link if you don't know the dangers of masturbation or are just intrigued by phrases such as "NOCTURNAL POLLUTIONS" or "It is necessary to semen the brain and to brain the semen". There's just too much good stuff to include in this post, but here's a small sample:

Masturbation is also common among women and this is something painful and cruel. Within the parallel of female sex, the consequences are similar: it affects the development of the brain, nerves, sexual and produces female impotence, physical exhaustion, loss of memory, vitality and magnetism. The worst consequences occurs on the sexual part and in the psycho-social behavior. Woman starts rejecting man because her sexual possibilities decrease progressively. Woman who does not masturbate, keep on her vitality, beauty, the sparkle in her eyes, powerful magnetic field, good pitch, etc. Women should avoid porn, vulgar conversations, as well as struck up a friendship with good people.

Magnetism? Now I'm fucking scared!

What I learned today

Compared to our country, Japan is so culturally advanced...at least when it comes to Harry Potter homoerotic fantasy comic books.

Guerra de los Mundos

Last night, we decided to go see Star Wars after work. Once we got to the ticket counter, though, we opted to watch Spielberg's newest epic instead. We just can't seem to bring ourselves to watch Revenge of the Sith. Maybe it's for the best. But anyway, like Peter said, it was rather underwhelming. Although it has great special effects and is plenty suspenseful, it just doesn't feel like it goes anywhere. Two suggestions to make it immediately better:

1) The aliens should have been a bunch of pissed-off ET's, thus giving a nod to Spielberg's alien roots. Ooh! All the ET's could have been lead by an aged hippy Richard Dreyfuss! Also, waddling aliens with deadly, glowing fingers that zap death beams would have been sweet!

2) Tom Cruise has already shown us that he can portray a toothy, grinning lunatic wholeheartedly and convincingly. Yet for him to really blossom as an actor, he needs to work on his "I'm so devastated and horrified" character. Maybe Spielberg should have had Katie Holmes do a quick, zapped-to-pieces cameo. Then again, inconsolable weeping and slavering would've been a bit much.

Best part of the movie? When Cruise is pulled out of something that looks alarmingly like an irritated, alien rectum. It is now my deepest wish that "Taking a Tom Cruise" will be incorporated into American lexicon as slang for defecating. At least consider saying, "Excuse me guys, I gotta go drop a TC-bomb." Please?